Why I Don't Like Soccer...

I know that Soccer (Futbol) is supposedly "The Beautiful Game" but I feel like after watching a few matches that in actuality, it should be called "The Game of the Whining Prima Donnas". I feel like every time you do something good, it becomes a penalty. While watching the CONCACAF finals, I've composed a list of reasons why Soccer has not become an American favorite.

-It's almost like you can only play the sport if you are a Prima Donna. I like Real because they are pretty much the Utah Jazz of Soccer, hard-working guys that play physical and don't mess around, while Monterrey acts like a bunch of cheap, wanna-be rich kids who feel like because they play "Soccer" that they can do whatever they want.

-So many of the rules prevent the game from being good. Offsides is probably the most confusing, controversial rule I have ever heard of, not to mention the absolutely terrible officiating overall. Let's put it this way, Tim Donaghy thinks that Soccer officials are corrupt.

-There's no real rhyme or reason to a lot of the logic behind the game. Road goals mean more in the case of a tiebreaker. Ties are almost as good as wins. Then there are the cards. Beckerman gets a yellow on a flop and has to miss the next game, while Zavala can literally try to choke an RSL player and only gets a yellow? Huh?

-I get that most people think the game is boring. I kind of agree, but only when it stops being aggressive soccer. When a tie can prove to be as good as a victory, you'll get a lot of less-aggressive play. How you can let a game end on a tie, I will never know. (Ahem.....Mr. Goodell?)

-The Flops. I could write an entire column about how bad the flops in Soccer are, how the influx of Euro players flopping has started to ruin the NBA game, and how annoying it is that they continue to let players get away with it, but really, there isn't much use, because.......

-FIFA is probably one of the worst sport-ruling bodies I've ever seen. How can you call something "The Beautiful Game" when bribes and cheating rule the sport at the highest level? I know none of our leagues are perfect, but at least we don't award our biggest sporting event (Super Bowl) to Alaska and Puerto Rico because they gave Roger Goodell a bunch of new cars, cash, and a few native "escorts", like what supposedly happened with FIFA and the World Cup in Qatar and Moscow. I'm not saying there is evidence of any of the above accusations, but I've been to the former USSR, and I can promise, that will be a scary World Cup Final. Way more than it would have been in England.

That being said....

Watching Morales' goal late in the game to tie things up was a thing of beauty. I can't really compare it to any other movement, motion, or play in sports, other than maybe a Jeremy Evans/Blake Griffin alley oop. The first time I ever really cared about soccer was watching Real in the MLS cup against the Galaxy, and I remember sitting there, watching calmly, then seeing a goal just happen, and had no other reaction but to stand up, run around, and yell "GOAL", which just about caused three of my roommates to have heart attacks. In that respect, Soccer does something that few other games do, go from such a mellow, lack of excitement to an instant burst of awesomeness. I know people adore the World Cup, but I have the feeling that what RSL is doing right now is going to change the platform for Soccer. MLS will start signing bigger stars, making more money, and eventually the style of Soccer that we play here in America will end up becoming the norm. I know most countries will get upset about it, but I bet between the EPL and MLS, there could be some interesting, progressive strides made in the game, especially with all the crossover that is happening with American corporations owning EPL teams. Little more contact, less prima donna; maybe some more aggressive attacks; tweaks to the rules, etc. I can't really say what should change, but I know this; Americans do one thing better than everyone else, we take what already exists and find ways to make it even better. Television, Movies, Democracy, take your pick, but when it comes down to it, I liked watching the CONCACAF final in Monterrey, and for a minute even thought I should go watch the final at Rio Tinto, until I realized I was broke, and frankly, I may even end up getting Real season tickets at some point in my life if things continue to move in that direction, but only as long as we're in the off-season for football. Hey, I'm a man of my principles, alright?