Fortune Teller: Ahhh, Iz gud to see u again Meester O'Connor, I have forseen your comings for long time.
O'Connor: Pretty sure you didn't need a crystal ball to see this one coming. Have you seen the team play lately?
Fortune Teller: You have made good size disaster for self, vhat with running off hall of fame coach (allegedly) and trading All-Pro point guard, now Jazz not making playoffs?
O'Connor: I told the media, I tried to talk Jerry to coming back, even offered to let him drive a tractor to work, but Coach did what Coach does best, made the team better by leaving at a point where Ty could learn the most. As for Deron, well, Deron is Deron, and we felt he had made little effort to commit to us, other than building a huge house, opening multiple Costcos and Miller Family businesses, starting his Point of Hope foundation here, playing a lot of charity golf, and busting his guts for the franchise most nights.
Fortune Teller: A Biznis decision, is not usual for Jazz.
O'Connor: Larry was a great owner, but he was emotionally attached and loyal. Greg, he wants to win. Which is why I now run the, ah, Castle, so to speak.
Fortune Teller: More like Asylum.
O'Connor: I'm not paying for commentary, I get enough of that from Jazz fans. We're looking for some free agents, preferably a wing or two. We've tried to shore that position up for a while, Raja should have been a good acquisition, and we expected CJ to step up, but they clearly struggled. AK missing 20 games was all in the plans, see how the white kid Hayward did against Kobe? No one saw that coming, except me. I'm sure the Lakers recent poor play had nothing to do with it, but look at him now, one of four rookies to score 30 points this year. I tried to tell the fans, but, for some reason, they don't trust me.
Fortune Teller: Iz perhaps thought that Jazz never draft athletics players in past?
O'Connor: I found Jeremy Evans didn't I? When he played, he was a Top Ten highlight reel all by himself, despite not having the strength to play four, the shot to play three, or a solid defensive stance. I figure if AK will resign for $5 a year, we should be ok on the wing.
Fortune Teller: I forsee Kirilenko moving to, how you say, Greener Pastures, is teams vit more moneys and less bad memories of many injuries. New Jersey? Maybe Rockets? Or vat about Miami at four, no?
O'Connor: Maybe he would stop trying to go on vacation to some beach if he signed there. Who else do you see?
Fortune Teller: Can he be blamed? Vinter here iz terrible, much like homeland. What about more young options? Vilson Chandler? Arron Afflalo? Both cannot be resigning vit Nuggets?
O'Connor: Either of those signings would be too much of a slam dunk, have you watched the Jazz over the years? We're content to have average wings in a league where the 3 point shot has never been more important, both on offense and defense, and true low post players are dying one by one. Any coincidence the Lakers and Celtics, teams with dominant post guys, have won the last few championships? I'm not willing to spend money on guys that aren't legit big men. Or point guards. Can we move onto the draft now?
Fortune Teller: Darkness wrap itself around current draft. Iz many problems, lack of superstar, NBA lockout, You hope for good bounce from little white balls?
O'Connor: Just as long as the Turkish kid, Kanter is still there when we pick. We have enough skinny, euro projects overseas already. Besides, how excited will the fans be when I pick the Jimmer at the draft party? Never mind that his game is a better fit in Boston, New York, Phoenix, even Toronto. The fans will cheer that one all day, maybe he'll even wear the short shorts like Stockton used to.
Fortune Teller: Neither of players seem to solve problems you have. Defense was bad this year, if not for Hayward, shooting vould be equivalent of Russian nuclear meltdown.
O'Connor: Wait until I trade CJ Miles for a bunch of second round picks, then you'll see how good we can become. I still have a few guys left to sign as free agents too. Earl Watson probably needs to come back, he's no starter, but hell, neither was ah, Captain Crunch, what's his name? Oh yeah, Milt Palacio. Francisco's knees ran out of gas, as did Ronnie Price's legs, not sure either of them makes it back. With the lockout coming, gonna be a battle between the five or six major cities and all the rest of us small markets, can't go throwing around money we won't have from lost games on those guys. That Weaver kid showed some hustle, might bring him back.
Fortune Teller: What about big Ukrainian, Fesenko?
O'Connor: Fes? Yeah, we'll probably look into bringing him back, just as long as we keep him locked in a hot Ukrainian gym all summer to work on his free throws. Maybe he can put the Bear costume on at halftime, too. Like Coach Layden used to say, you can't teach height.
Fortune Teller: (stands up, rips off cloak and towel on head) I must go call Mom in Ukraine!!
O'Connor: Wait, what? Fes? Is that you? Get back here with my money!
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