As I sat watching the Super Bowl this Sunday, I had a dark thought come across my mind. This could be my last "Sunday Funday" with football for a very long time. Like a child who just heard Santa was fake, I sat there saying to myself, "No way. The kind of momentum the NFL has going right now, no way this thing stops now. It's too lucrative, too large, too important. Too much depends on it," but as I mulled it over, I decided to take a look in my crystal ball and let loose a few predictions, not all necessarily pertaining to the NFL. Hopefully, you won't be bored, chances are you might laugh, and I'm certain that most everyone will disagree with at least one of these, but until you find your own Ukrainian Gypsy with a crystal ball, and get a spot writing for this website, YOU"LL GET WHAT I FEED YOU!!! Sorry, that's the chili from last night talking. Moving on....
-The NFL will go through a lockout, but it will be brief. The most damaged party will be the fans, because really, they are the party that cares the most. It will only generate more fury for NFL football, because the whole reason that a lockout is looming is because people can't find a way to feed their addiction to Football. Most of the NFL owners have other businesses outside of their teams that really generate revenue, and no doubt the players will be freed up to find other ventures with their money, well, other than Antonio Cromartie. Dude's got mouths to feed.
-The Packers will not repeat, The Steelers will lose Dick LeBeau, the Vikings will stay put, the Chargers will not, and the Cincinnati Bengals will continue to ruin my life by drafting Cam Newton with the fourth pick. I'm not even depressed about it, I'm to the point where I'm looking for ways that the Bengals can screw things up even more.
-The NFL will find a way to be relevant throughout the off-season, leading conspiracy theorists to believe that "The Lockout" was simply a marketing ploy to help the NFL market itself longer. In retaliation, David Stern will shave his head, and institute a policy that players have to sign autographs for half an hour before every game, while wearing specially selected marketing partner shirts and shorts. How do I feel about this? Click here.
-Jim Boylen will be fired at the end of the season, barring a would-be miraculous run through the Mountain West Tournament ending with them cutting down nets for the championship. Even if that happens, I wouldn't be surprised to see him gone. Like a really hot girlfriend, I want Boylen to be the guy, but after losing BOTH games to Air Force this year, clearly he is not.
-Gordon Hayward will be an all-star.
-The Jazz won't make it past the first round of the playoffs this year.
-The Jazz will make it to the NBA Finals next year, if there isn't a lockout, which I'm not going to rule on because I don't know enough about, but I have a hunch that with guys like Chris Andersen and Stephen Jackson still in the league, the Players Association won't have as much pull as the NFLPA and Demaurice Smith have with their members.
-Kevin O'Connor will be a busy man this summer. Earl Watson, C.J. Miles, Andrei Kirilenko will be back; Ronnie Price, Fran Elson, Kyrylo Fesenko, will not, and Ante Tomic will be everyone's favorite new arrival, other than Jerry Sloan.
-Jeremy Evans will not gain weight; most of my friends will.
-The University of Utah football team will start off with an ugly win, have a few big victories, but won't finish first in the new Pac-12 and probably will end up in the Holiday Bowl, ending the season at 9-4. However, the first year will demonstrate that not only do the Utes belong, but they have the potential to contend for championships, although I don't forsee anyone beating the University of Nike.
-BYU will also finish 9-4, show improvement, and Cougar fans will go ballistic that Jake Heaps didn't win the Heisman. I also put the over/under of number of Jimmer references during the season at 75.
-Jimmer goes late to the Celtics. Learns how to play defense from Ray Allen. Becomes a fan favorite, stays in the league for ten years, and becomes a Boston icon, ala Brian Scalabrine. Could you think of a better fan base to make up signs for the name Jimmer? Absolutely not.
-Utah State wins the WAC.
-SUU vs. Weber St. is the new Utah-BYU.
-Brian Wilson becomes the first baseball player to pitch without pants on.
-San Diego Padres win the Pacific Coast League championship in a tight series over the Salt Lake Bees. What? The Padres aren't a minor league team? Are you sure?
-The Triple A all-star game is a huge hit, leading Utah sports radio to speculate about the possibility of actually getting a MLB franchise, making me want to repeatedly put my head through my car dashboard because of the lack of creativity and ridiculousness, and hear it from every amateur sports fan about how "If the Miller family wants it, I could see it being a reality..."
-Giants lose to Philly in the real World Series, Philly wins the pennant.
-I go to a Utah Blaze game, but only if its lower bowl.
You got three bonuses. Who says you never get what you pay for?
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