-(Before reading this part, I ask you to click here, and turn your speakers up) Give the owners, players, media members, fans, sponsors, families, pets, and paper boys of the owners, players, media members, fans, sponsors and maybe even Roger Goodell credit for getting a deal done; OR, give them a round of applause for one of the greatest marketing ploys in the history of sports. As conspiratorial as that sounds, the NFL managed to turn the entire off-season into a long, ongoing story, finishing JUST in time to save precious pre-season revenue dollars, and us from being so desperate for football that we'd all foolishly tune into the Hall of Fame game, giving NBC more evidence to put it on year after year after year, all the while working people into such a frenzy that 9 of the top 10 trending topics on Google today were NFL related (per @darrenrovell), and we haven't even started training camp. Not so far fetched is it? Okay, it still is, but whatever the motives behind the lockout, the NFL came out of it looking and smelling like roses...
-Speaking of roses, someone should give the guy from Grumpy Old Men a bouquet and a freaking Oscar for his portrayal of NFL owner Mike Brown, because surely no legitimate businessman would force his franchise quarterback to retire instead of trading the guy because he was dissatisfied with the total unprofessionalism of the franchise. Need more proof the guy is worthy of the top of Mount Curmudgeon? How about Brown referencing that Palmer "gave his word" when he signed the contract. Would that be the same word you gave the team when you promised the team a new indoor facility TWO YEARS AGO, Mike? Or the one you gave to the city of 'Nati when you bilked them for millions while they built you a new stadium? I highly doubt his word choice would be the same if it was the Bengals cutting Palmer, whose non-guaranteed contract apparently means only one side has the right to be dissatisfied. Either way, you're not proving a point, you're just screwing Bengal fans everywhere, and I just get the feeling that this leads to you packing your crap in garbage bags and moving the team to LA next year, officially becoming the worst owner in NFL history, and no I'm not forgetting Al Davis (His abstaining vote was hilarious, are you kidding me? Has anyone checked to make sure Jonathon Silverman isn't standing next to Al at every public appearance, a la Weekend at Bernie's? We're sure? Alright then.) This is second oddest storyline of the season so far, right behind Pete Carroll getting the band back together to try and win another National Championship, errrr Super Bowl in Seattle. (You'll believe me when they sign Reggie Bush. Just wait.) Just let Carson go, sign Tyler Thigpen, and get plenty of cameras to follow Andy Dalton's face as he realizes every third play exactly what he's gotten into. Isn't there some way that Roger Goodell can just lock Mike Brown out? What's Larry Ellison up to now that the NBA is locked out? Better yet, how about Phil Knight dumps Oregon and tries his hand at an actual NFL team? Anything but Mike Brown. Or Donald Sterling.
-Pac-12 Media day was awesome. I couldn't help get goosebumps and day dream of seeing Utah headline Sportscenter Saturday nights or hearing Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit call their games on ABC. Sadly, despite moving up like 50 Cent after selling Lifewater, I was disappointed in a lot of the analysis of the Utes pre-season hopes. Seemingly everyone seems to think that our hopes rest squarely on Jordan Wynn. Granted, this year the Pac-12 has gone from Conference of Champions to the Conference of Quarterbacks, but can we stop placing the entire outcome of the season on the kid? He's a cog piece in the Rolex of success, but Wynn doesn't crank if the O line doesn't come together like they should, relying on two dominant tackles in John Wayne Cullen and Tony Bergstrom, behemoth Benji Kemoeatu at guard, and stalwart Tevita Stevens at center, a guy who is distinctly underrated and a veritable rock in the middle, not to mention the transition to a three point stance on offense, allowing the line better positioning for run blocking, and the addition of an H back, which will allow the linemen to double team more, as opposed to having to reach linebackers that are way too fast for them. Hell, even if Wynn does throw 30 touchdown passes this year, it means nothing if Brian Blechen and the U defenders can't stop the other team. I just feel that we're being fed dessert before dinner here, and unless some serious leaders step up a la Brian Johnson and Eric Weddle, on both sides of the ball, .500 ball will look more like a hopeful reality than a worst-case scenario.
-I apparently have terrible taste in choosing pro sports franchises to root for, because as if the Bengals weren't tormenting me enough, the Padres continue to just ruin baseball for me. At this point, I've stopped rooting for a strong finish and now spend my days thinking of guys we can trade for prospects, and hope that some day, we pull a Pittsburgh and win some games. Speaking of the Bucs, how much fun is baseball right now? The NL central is the hottest race in baseball not involving the AL East, and all three teams come from small markets? Weird. After a long talk with the Count of Realistic Expectations and Rationalism aka my cousin, we both realized that there isn't a whole lot wrong with baseball, other than the sport needs some marketing help. Those guys have all become so robotic and obsessed the sanctity of the game that, when a guy like Nyjer Morgan comes along, he's blacklisted for having some personality. Whoever takes over for Bud Selig has some work to do, but the cupboard certainly isn't bare. The MLB fan cave is honestly a really cool idea, and simply bringing back double headers could solve the season-length issue, just leaving the pace of the game and marketing as the two remaining hurdles to making baseball better. (Quick Note: I wrote this before the disaster of a call in the Braves-Pirates game last night. Let's add replay to the fix-it list too. Thanks)
-As summer comes to a close, so does one of the worst movie seasons in my short lifespan. I've seen two good (not great) comedies in Horrible Bosses and Hangover 2, one really odd, but somewhat entertaining movie in Super 8, and had a visual steriod shot in the eye from Michael Bay in Transformers 3 (worth seeing strictly for Rosie) and pretty much ignored everything else. My hopes in America have been buoyed by the trailer for Moneyball, Cowboys V Aliens, Alec Burks Indy Pro-Am highlights, and Otis, the new single from Jay-Z and Kanye, but while Jay and Ye have shown some amazing potential, nothing was really GREAT. I wonder if my expectations are just too high, or if this summer is just a residual effect of the economy and people aren't taking risks, but I feel like there have to be good things on the horizon, like the end of this column. Keep living the dream, Gang.
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